Sociopaths, Psychopaths, and Narcissists. Understanding the complexity of dealing with these Entities. How to break free from it, and heal yourself, after experiencing a relationship with them. A MUST to read for women and men affected by this phenomenon.
First, let me start by saying that if you had the misfortune of getting involved with this type of person, or are presently involved, you have my most sincere condolences and I do wish for you to find the strength to not only break away free from them, but to heal from the devastation left from dealing with these type of entities. I don’t call them people, but entities for that is exactly what they are: evil abnormal entities, real life vampires. These people have no consciousness, no real emotions, or feelings. They lack empathy for others. They are pathological liars. They are completely self-centered, egocentric to extremes and have an aura of self-imposed omnipotence. I used to thinking that they lack the ability to distinguish from right or wrong, since they have no consciousness, but no, they distinguish very well. The problem is that they find tremendous pleasure by harming and destroying others. They use and abuse them, until they have siphoned from them everything they wanted, or they get tired and move onto the next victim. I personally have also had the misfortune of falling madly in love with a man like this. To say that I went through a nightmare would be an understatement! Anyone who has dealt with these types of inhumane beings knows it is nothing like you have ever experienced before. If you don’t know how to break free from them, the devastating marks of the experience can leave you wounded for a lifetime. That’s how poisonous and toxic they are. Furthermore, they will keep you entangled in their loop (if you left them) just for the joy of it and the sick pleasure they get from having control and a feeling of domination over their victims or targets. This is why it’s imperative to understand how these entities function, think and behave. This will be the ONLY way, for you to stop living in a continued state of mental confusion and break free from their influence over you. You MUST understand how they function as the sick evil beings they are in general, so you can see things from a different perspective. That will be the only way you will be able to put your emotions aside, and “stop trying” to understand what it’s impossible to assimilate and comprehend for a normal healthy human being.
For over a year and a half, he had me in a total state of confusion and emotional desolation. I kept trying to understand his behavior, to the point that I almost lost my mental sanity and my physical health. I have experienced like most women in this world, bad relationships. I’d met losers, felt drawn to the “bad boy” type, and have been cheated on. NORMAL things we all go through, not acceptable, or are even welcomed, or that brings gratification, but just normal. However, being in a relationship with a psychopath, sociopath, or narcissist is like nothing you have experienced before or never will; and I pray to GOD you never have to!
That is why once you are trapped in their sick web of deception and manipulation, it’s so easy to feel like you are losing your mind and going completely insane. No matter how happy, cheerful, confident, independent, financially secure, open minded, understanding, not jealous, possessive or controlling, free spirited or passionate you are, the psychopath narcissist individual you fall for will rip you off from the inside out, and make you feel like you have no an idea who you are any longer. They are masters of mental and emotional manipulation and will take you on an emotional roller coaster of your life!
In the bio I wrote for my website Crystal Healing For Women, I describe a bit of the nightmare I when through during my relationship with the most vicious psychopath narcissist type. I spent a year and a half in a completely disturbing and dysfunctional relationship until three things happened that motivated me to run away from that relationship before it was too late.
1- During my relationship with him, not only did I almost lose my sanity, I also lost a lot of money, and I found out I had breast cancer. My emotions and mental state of confusion and depression were not helping at all and I was getting sicker and sicker by the day. I’m the mother of a wonderful son, and I needed to have my health to take care of him, but honestly, I was so broken at all levels, that I didn’t know how to even begin to put myself together or escape from his toxic influence over me. Here is where the other 2 amazing things happened and all I can do is to thank the almighty GOD for it.
2- After posting a comment on my Facebook page, a woman I didn’t know contacted me via Facebook. She was a counselor specializing in working with this type of entities and helped women dealing with them. She expressed that she knew exactly how I was feeling and wanted to help me. She helped me to understand who I was really dealing with, for this is not your typical bad guy, or cheater boyfriend, or immature jackass partner. NO, this is a psychopath narcissist and you must learn what you are dealing with.
3- By Divine Grace, I was introduced to the world of Crystals and Ancient Stones, and these powerful healing beings incredibly helped me and continue doing so.
Working with crystals helped me to alleviate the constant state of confusion I was dealing with. Furthermore, they gave me the strength to finally leave him and stop putting up with such a dysfunctional toxic relationship. They helped me to be more focused, stop thinking about him 24/7 and to be more logical and rational in my thinking. Working with Citrine was truly a miracle as I felt as if every time his toxic memories or thoughts of him will come to my mind, they would get magically blocked and pushed away, allowing me to be more focused and able to concentrate in other things, besides HIM. Once I was able to do this, I really used a lot of my time studying everything I could about psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists. The more I learned, the more things started to make sense to me. I started to read the stories of hundreds of women and men sharing their stories, and also readying the studies and books on this subject. Once thing I realized (and now I think is funny), I remember telling myself, “Wait a second! I’m NOT crazy or imagining all these things or exaggerating things!” For every story I read, the common factor was that every single person having been in a relationship with one of these sick and evil entities had pretty much the exact same experiences!
The moment that I finally realized it was NOT ME, or my fault, or my "insecurities" as they try to make you believe, was the day I started to recover from the tremendous erosion suffered mentally/emotionally/spiritually/physically as a result of having been in a relationship with a psychopath narcissist, a real life vampire. For the charming prince really was a harming prince!
One day, my best friend from Spain who I haven’t talked to in a long time contacted me in such distress, telling me she needed to talk to me, that she was devastated in a complete state of confusion and very depressed. She had broken up with her boyfriend, but he would not leave her alone, directly or indirectly making her life a living hell. Then she said the magic words: “Do you know or have heard about the word psychopath?” The hair on my arms raised up and an electric sensation like shock, rushed all over my entire body! “Say what? DO I KNOW ABOUT WHAT A PSYCHOPATH IS??? Oh My God, this is not happening”, I said to myself. Now that I finally got my life back, my health back, my mind and sanity back, this is coming to me to make me relive everything? But this was my very best friend, and I saw how perturbed, confused and lost she was. It also helped me realize how far I had come, and that now I was in a position to help, not only her, but also other women.
One thing that I noticed is how disturbed my spirit was to listen to her no matter how much I wanted to. When you are deep into that toxicity, you are unable to think clearly. You are trying to make sense of what cannot be comprehended by normal human beings with normal healthy emotions and feelings. She would repeat things over and over again, trying to rationalize his behavior, no matter how much I tried to explain things to her.
Rationalization #1:“But he is really catholic and religious person! But he is the “perfect person” on the outside for everyone else to see! He is so charming, charismatic, very friendly, articulate, generous, intelligent, and funny!” This also reminded me of what I had heard many other women said. “But he always gives money and participate in charity events” “but he supported a children’s hospital and always was loving and caring with the children” “ But …… Yeah yeah yeah, have you ever heard of “a wolf in sheep’s clothing” or “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde”? Yes, I’m quite familiar with that too. My ex was the purest of the Christians and went to church not once but three days every week! He was the most charming and charismatic man I had ever met. To the public eye, he was such a respected highly admired individual.
Rationalization #2: “If he doesn’t care or want to be with me, why is he trying to make me jealous?” It’s the typical “Triangulation strategy” they so masterfully play upon us. My ex was in a relationship with “his official” woman and the mother of one of his children, for 10 years and counting! He managed to pit both of us against each other with jealousy and rivalry. He completely convinced me that she was a psycho controlling witch, in denial that they were over and that only their child, and financial/business ties, kept them together. He also had a "psycho" ex girlfriend, and various other women, that always ended popping up in present conversations or sudden sexually explicit text (created by him). I remember asking him, "but if it's over between you two, or better yet if you never had anything with this woman, as you want me to believe, and she is just a psycho and a stalker, why do you keep entertaining her?” Ohhhh poor thing, of course it was not his fault, he was the victim as they were all those "psycho stalker women" that didn't leave him alone and wanted him! The manufacturing of ex psycho girlfriends in his life, other women desiring him is the “triangulation” strategy. I also used to hate "his official woman" for all the nasty things she said to me and how much she tried to hurt me. I ended up understanding that she is a narcissist supplier and she doesn't even know that. After 10 years living together and with a child in common, she is so damaged and wounded that she continues to find ways to "excuse" his wrongful behavior. I don't hate her at all, I just feel sorry for her and hope and pray one day she finds the help she so desperately needs and can get out to find herself again.
Rationalization #3:“When I seem to start to feel a little better, then these coincidences happen that have nothing to do with him, but brings back his memories or him back to my mind and life.” It has nothing to do with “coincidences” there are NO COINCIDENCES when it has to do with them. Everything is premeditated and carefully planned on their part.
Rationalization #4:“The sex was so good! The best sex and intimacy I have ever had in my life! How can you have such an amazing incredible sex with someone and not be love?” I was completely addicted sexually. Oh, do I know what you are talking about here, girl. Telling you how much he loves you, that you are different than any other, special, his true soul mate, when he is with you. Right after he leaves your presence, he is back to his double life, while doing the same to other women at the same time. Look, there is NOTHING they say you can believe, nothing! They will say anything to make you believe what they want you to believe, and keep you in the loop, and will continue to play mental games for as long as they want or they getting something from you.
Rationalization #5: “What about his irrational behavior?! He will suddenly disappear from my life, leaving me here wondering, going crazy in my head, then reappears, like nothing happened all charming, and caring and loving, promising me things and apologizing for hurting me.” I remember the time when I finally contacted my ex’s "official woman" to ask her directly if they were together in a romantic relationship or not because I was sick and tired of his mind games with me. That same Saturday morning, she contacted me to let me know he was taking them (mother and daughter) to a trip to Orlando, and if he didn't love her or was not in a romantic relationship with her, why he will do that? He got really mad, blamed me for creating havoc in his life and disappeared for an entire weekend, ignoring my texts and phone calls. Once again playing the "triangulation game" with both of us, plus giving me the silence treatment for behaving badly and contacting her, followed by him showing up days later becoming Mr. Prince Charming once again, promising things, apologizing for his behavior. I fell for it and we were once again in the "honeymoon period" that of course never lasted more than a few weeks before he started acting completely irrational. Games girl, nothing but mind games and the sick pleasure they get for getting away with everything.
Rationalization #6:“He just has left me, completely forgot about me like I never existed, like what we had never meant anything to him. How can he do this? How can he treat me like this?” This is a prime example of the "Devaluation & Discard" (or D&D) strategy. First they devaluate you, trying to make you feel that everything is your fault that things are not working because of you and your irrational behavior, (YOUR irrational behavior not theirs!) and then they discard you like trash. Once you are of no value to them, or they can't fool you any longer, or you start questioning their bullshit, or simply they have found their new target, they will discard you like you never existed. Many times, this is only temporary for they will always come back or show up when you least expect it! Please understand this very clear, they are NOT your friends, but your worst enemy. They don't miss you or love you or care for you and never did! It’s just a sick mind game they masterfully play with you and probably many others at the same time. The more you read and study about these type of dysfunctional personalities, the more you will understand why they do things as they do. I thank God, I had already started to work with a counselor and read quite a bit about psychopath narcissistic personality, so when the D&D started to happen, I was pretty much mentally ready for it. I'm the one who broke up with him because I was completely sick and tired of his lies, his sick mental games and irrational behavior. I started to stop to idolizing him. Instead, I questioned his integrity, his persona and for the very first time I refused to have sex with him and didn't fall for his charm or was "smitten" by him, as he will always said I was. I remember him sending me texts saying that "he loved me" but "my insecurities" where the problem, and that if I wasn't so impulsive and inpatient, things will work out between us, because he thought "I was potentially the one" and saw his future with me. Not only did I NOT fall for his lies and nonsense this time, but started to realize how crazy and delusional he really was. He then gave me the silent treatment and he disappeared abruptly from my life.
Contrary to that, I started to heavily work and meditate with Crystals, focus on recovering my health, my mental sanity, focusing on my business and working on myself, while studying everything I could about psychopaths narcissists so not only would I know how to deal with all this, but also heal myself from it and most importantly get my life back! For once you understand truly who these entities are, if you have any kind of self respect, self love, self esteem and value your own self, you will want nothing to do with people like this, trust me!
Leaving a relationship is never easy. Leaving a toxic relationship even less, and if you still have feelings for that person the pain can be unbearable! People ask me all the time how to overcome the pain of dealing with a broken heart or dealing with the sociopath psychopath narcissist. There are many types of pain. Physical pain is hurtful but is temporary and many times located in one or different areas of our bodies. We can deal with that by taking pain killers, doing rehabilitation or going to physical therapy. Emotional pain is a completely different story, for it can affect your mind, your mood, your spirit and many times can manifest into physical dis -eases as well. How do you depart from a toxic relationship? How do you overcome what seems like permanent pain that is affecting your whole being? How to move forward and be whole and happy again? By bringing our attention and awareness to the fact that when something is not good, no matter how much we may want it at the time, or would like for it to be different, it is not. If you are in a toxic relationship that is causing you much pain and sorrow, the first things to understand and accept is the fact that it is NOT love and we should keep the person who is hurting us far away from us. Just like when we have an allergy to a specific food and no matter how much we like it, we simply cannot have it or it will make us be and feel sick. People who are toxic and hurt us don't change either and that is why we must eliminate them from our lives, no matter how hard that may be. We need to put ourselves and our health FIRST! The same way there is such a variety of foods to eat that are good for us, so there are over 7 billion people in this world. There is one person out there that is perfect for us, we just need to find them, or let them find us at the right time when we are whole again. In the meantime, how do we deal with the pain of a broken heart after such a devastating experience with an sociopath psychopath narcissist? Two words: time and awareness. Time doesn't heal everything, but as it passes, things do get better. Awareness is needed to distinguish good from bad and to accept the fact that some people are simply do not have our best interest at heart. Sometimes they don't even have a heart! Toxic people, psychopaths and narcissists, are not normal. They lack empathy, compassion, care, healthy emotions. Their motives are not pure, truthful, honest, or real. They are master con artists that will do or say anything to get away with what they want and accomplish their goals. They are selfish, self centered, pathological liars in search of only one thing; pleasure, satisfaction, and gratification with no regard of how their actions can affect others. For over 18 months, I was blindly in love with a very vicious and malicious psychopath narcissist. That toxic relationship affected my mind, my spirit and my physical health in detrimental ways, until one day I could not take it anymore. The blindfold fell off and I was able to see everything about that evil toxic vampire as if a movie was playing in front of my tear-filled eyes. The hurt I felt was unbearable for a very long time, but that new awareness, I knew I had to cut him off like cancer, IMMEDIATELY! While I was dealing with that profound pain, the recovery period seemed like it would never end. I found ways to cope with it and allies that helped me through the worst of moments: my beloved friends and master healers called Crystals. In response to your emails and questions, this is the advice I have for you, if you are dealing with a toxic person and/or a relationship with a psychopath narcissist:
One thing I have noticed talking to women who are deep into this toxic trap is that until they (we) don’t understand certain things, all they will do is continue talking repeatedly about the same things, in their heads and to others. In order to help a woman or a man that is experiencing the misfortune of dealing with a psychopath narcissist, just sitting there, offering a listening ear does not work. It is only when they truly understand what and whom they are dealing with that you can sit with them and have a more rational conversation about things. Furthermore, help them with what is most important: how to break free, heal themselves and get their life back!
So if you want to free yourself from the toxicity and irreparable damage (if you don’t leave on time or know how to heal) that has been to be in a relationship with one of these toxic evil entities, this will be my absolute advice for you.
#1 and most important, NO CONTACT! Nada, cero!! No matter how difficult it feels or how much you would like to say. DO NOT answer any form of contact! Understand one thing, these toxic energy vampires don't care about you or anything you may have to say. All they want is attention, and the feeling that they still can control you and negatively affect you with their actions or words. They will do or say anything to keep you in "the loop" Think of them as real life vampires, evil toxic and very malicious entities that all they want is to feed off of your emotions, because they have none! They are attention whores because they are empty inside! Once you understand who they truly are, you will ABSOLUTELY want nothing to do with them. At first, you will feel initial loneliness or even boredom after removing them from your life. Embrace your new feelings because it is that blissful and peaceful state of being you forgot even existed! If you are experiencing that once again, WELCOME BACK TO LIFE! Congratulations for you are a survivor! I prefer to say that I’m not a survivor but a VICTORIOUS woman!
#2- Educate yourself.Read everything you can about psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists. Better yet, read every single article and everything on the websites I include here below. Once you start to understand whom you are really dealing with, you are in the first step of healing, and recovering will be a possibility.
#3- Yes, it's going to hurt…a lot, so you must grieve for as long as you have too.Think of this as not grieving for that person or those wonderful moments you had together. You are grieving the dead and loss of the person you thought he/she was and what you thought you had that never really existed. You were a supply for that person and were played with for as long as they could get what they wanted from you. They are incapable of feeling love; they are only capable of using/abusing others for their own very selfish reasons. So grieve, cry, and let all those emotions come out for as long as it takes, and you will create an empty space inside you, ready to be filled with new good emotions and feelings. Once again, this is not a normal relationship or break up and it is going to be devastating to realize that everything was just a lie. As painful as it may be, it is really healthy to let things out, making room for peace, tranquility, anxiety-less, and little by little get your sanity back!
#4- Be Strong, Know what you are dealing with, and know that this too shall pass.One of the most devastating side effects of breaking away from a psychopath narcissist is their "Devaluation & Discard” strategy. When you meet, they will put you on a pedestal and make you feel the most incredible person on earth by telling you how "crazy and psycho" his ex's are. You felt compassion and sympathy for them and for all the things they had to deal with. Oh yes, do we know how good they play the victim role, don't we? Well, now you are on that list too! One of the most devastating things survivors experience is the frustrating feeling of knowing this person is so freaking credible and good at what he does, that the world out there believes them to be such a good amazing person, while you know it is nothing but an act. They are masters at "projection"; they tell others all those awful things about YOU, when in reality it is who they truly are. They are the crazy, the insecure, the psycho, the bi polar, the stalkers, evil, selfish, uncaring, heartless, and the list can go on and on, but they project that on you and make others believe so. It gives them a sick perverse pleasure and satisfaction to know that they can have such influence and control over others. This is exactly the reason why I mention the importance of no contact WHATSOEVER. You remember that saying, "eyes that doesn't see, heart that doesn't feel"? Well, apply this to yourself in this situation. The less you know, or care, the better for you and your own sanity… trust me.
#5- Make yourself busy!! No matter how hard it may seem when you feeling down and devastated, keeping yourself and your mind busy is without a doubt the BEST thing you can do for yourself. Do you remember the things you used to be passionate about before all this happened? Maybe a hobby? Something you always wanted to study or learn? Work, that you neglected when you were "lost"? Get back to it! This is definitely the best moment to do so. Not only will keep your mind busy, but being productive and focusing on YOU will make you feel better. As time passes, you will realize and notice, every day you expend less time thinking about that person and what happened to you. If you suffered from nightmares, like I did; they will diminish or at least won’t bother you that much. All signs that you are healing! If you really suffer from insomnia, consider these three crystal allies: Amethyst, Lepidolite and Smoky Quartz crystals in combination help to relax you. Other aids to help bring on sleep and calm the mind are: melatonin supplements and journaling. Doing these three things together nightly will certainly help you drift into a healthy sleep. Try it!
#6- Don't be hard on yourself, be gentle. Understand that yes, you were fooled, used, lied to, betrayed.There is nothing wrong with you, it can happen to anyone and I mean anyone! Psychopaths and narcissists don't go for weak unappealing people lacking values or virtues. That's not fun or challenging for them. To the contrary, they feel attracted to strong, confident, most often than not, successful, loving, compassionate people because the perverse pleasure they feel, with little by little breaking them down! Don’t be hard in yourself. See the glass half full no matter whatand think of it this way. You were honest, truthful, loyal, loving, caring, generous and good intentioned. Still, you got a broken heart. One time, maybe many times in your life, but that only shows you the tremendous and wonderful capacity you have to love! That is what the psychopath narcissist will never have. One of the latest books/biographies I read was by a psychologist that was in a relationship with a psychopath narcissist and he fooled her too, so remember this; it can happen to anyone!
#7- Be open to live and love again.Don't build walls to "protect" yourself in the future. Don't become bitter or resentful. Continue being the loving caring person you are, just be more cautious and aware, learn how to recognize red flags early on, and always remember this; trust people by their actions more than their words. If their words don't match their actions, cut them loose ASAP! One thing I can tell you for sure, once you have survived a toxic relationship with a psychopath narcissist, you bet it won't happen to you ever again! Think of it as you just got vaccinated, and you are certainly immune to further predators, for the awareness you will get from this experience I can tell you, it's priceless!
#8- Find your own allies. Be open to getting help in various forms. That could be getting professional help from a psychologist or counselor, specifically one that specializes in working primarily and has studied in-depth psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists. Learn about energy work and Crystal healing. You will be amazed to experience what crystals can do for you to aid you in your recovery. My house has become a crystal palace, a temple of light and divine energy! As you know, crystals came into my life in 2012 when I was still struggling in a very toxic relationship with a psychopath narcissist. He absolutely hated the crystals and my interest in learning more, but little did I know that they would be the strength and guidance I so needed to leave that toxic relationship! I personally recommend you to start working especially with Citrine, Amethyst, Dioptase, Malachite, Fluorite, Selenite Ajoite, Chrysocolla, Rose Quartz, Lepidolite, and Tiger Eye. It’s important to be able to focus your mind to see more clearly and rationally. Citrine will definitely help you in doing this besides many other healing benefits you can experience. You must also start healing your emotional body. Recover and build your self-love and self-esteem and confidence in yourself by working with Rose Quartz, Chrysocolla, and many other crystals related to the heart and throat chakra. While I was going through my own nightmare, during one of my meditations with crystals, they are the ones who told me to share my experience with other women and share them (the crystals and stone’s healing properties) with others too. That’s why I created Crystal Healing For Women and the special Crystal items available there.Crystals saved my life, brought back my sanity and healed my physical body. I'm eternally grateful to them for it!!! I know when I finally meet my soul mate, he will love them too and highly respect them. Crystals brought tremendous joy and peace into my being and life!!
Life is too short to live it with regrets and carrying pain and hurt within us. Most painful experiences, more often than not, bring with them lessons and blessings in disguise. Believe that, for it is a universal truth.
I truly hope this article was of some kind of help to you.
In Light, Love, and Health
Remember The NO CONTACT at all rule.
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Resources a must to read:
Articles of special importance to read:
- Dangerous Liaisons: How to Recognize and Escape from Psychopathic Seduction
- Prince Harming Syndrome by karen salmansohn