It has taken me 50 years to say this

Everyone has a story. Some people are very open about it and as a consequence, have experienced much healing and inner peace, not to mention how much it has impacted their life and the lives of others, just for sharing.

I do have a story too, but my story have always been my family’s biggest secret and something not to talk about, ever. I clearly remember growing up as a child & as a young woman, asking myself “why do all of these bad things have always to happens to me”?

And I honestly don’t know at what point was this, but I convinced myself that the reason why all these happened to me, have to be because “God or my Spirit” must have a bigger purpose for me, reason for putting me through all this? or maybe because I must be strong enough to deal with it all, and then maybe one day I can help other women do same, right?

But as the years passed, I realize that having accomplished and done a lot of good things in my life, I was not doing what I truly felt in my heart, while at the same time I was withholding so much pain, anger and sadness, that I was carrying inside me. This huge pressure was building uncontrollably inside me as I was reaching 50. I just couldn’t suppress all these feelings and emotions any more, much less keep my story a secret any longer. I promised myself the day that I turned 50, that I was going to live the rest of my life authentically and finally truly being myself.

A lot of people is afraid to tell their story for fear that they will be judged and criticized by others. I won’t lie to you, yes opening up and sharing your most inner secrets can be terrifying, but in my case, I have never been as afraid of being the recipient of judgement or criticism as much as being terrified of others judging or saying negative things about my family, because I love them very very much. But some times the people that you love the most is the people that hurt you the most, and that is just a life’s fact.

But in my soul searching quest on how to free myself and tell my story, I realized that I can tell my story with love and compassion, without putting others down, just speaking from the heart and be truthful. The human experience is not a fairy tale, for most people. We all f#%up at times, some f#% up more, and others f#%up royally, but we are all humans going through our own personal journey on this Earth.