It has taken me 50 years to say this

Everyone has a story. Some people are very open about it and as a consequence, have experienced much healing and inner peace, not to mention how much it has impacted their life and the lives of others, just for sharing.

I do have a story too, but my story have always been my family’s biggest secret and something not to talk about, ever. I clearly remember growing up as a child & as a young woman, asking myself “why do all of these bad things have always to happens to me”?

And I honestly don’t know at what point was this, but I convinced myself that the reason why all these happened to me, have to be because “God or my Spirit” must have a bigger purpose for me, reason for putting me through all this? or maybe because I must be strong enough to deal with it all, and then maybe one day I can help other women do same, right?

But as the years passed, I realize that having accomplished and done a lot of good things in my life, I was not doing what I truly felt in my heart, while at the same time I was withholding so much pain, anger and sadness, that I was carrying inside me. This huge pressure was building uncontrollably inside me as I was reaching 50. I just couldn’t suppress all these feelings and emotions any more, much less keep my story a secret any longer. I promised myself the day that I turned 50, that I was going to live the rest of my life authentically and finally truly being myself.

A lot of people is afraid to tell their story for fear that they will be judged and criticized by others. I won’t lie to you, yes opening up and sharing your most inner secrets can be terrifying, but in my case, I have never been as afraid of being the recipient of judgement or criticism as much as being terrified of others judging or saying negative things about my family, because I love them very very much. But some times the people that you love the most is the people that hurt you the most, and that is just a life’s fact.

But in my soul searching quest on how to free myself and tell my story, I realized that I can tell my story with love and compassion, without putting others down, just speaking from the heart and be truthful. The human experience is not a fairy tale, for most people. We all f#%up at times, some f#% up more, and others f#%up royally, but we are all humans going through our own personal journey on this Earth.

So today for the first time in over a year, I’m posting a new video on my YourTube channel. I share on this video why I have been away from my Youtube channel & so inconsistent with my social media presence. I also open up for the first time in my life a little about my story a little and the burdens I have been carrying inside me for the past 50 years.

Why now?

1- Because I realize that sharing my story can be inspiring and helpful to others.

2- Because I’m tired of silencing my voice

3- Because finding peace within myself at this point in my life, is more important than anything else

4- Because I want to live an authentic life dedicating myself to helping other women.

In all honesty, I feel as if I have always been so busy surviving and hustling my way through life, that now it’s the time for me to truly show up more authentically and with purpose. Finding my voice is leading me to this, by trusting my inner voice, and unafraid of any consequences.

The story of our lives is written as we grow up and experience life, but the final chapter? That one it hasn't been written yet and that is the one I’m on, right now.

With humility, vulnerability, and an open heart, taking one day at a time.

Thank you for listening.

In Light, Love & Healing

Ana Satya